Oh my, but this day. I'm glad it is over. I left at 8:30 AM to go to the library to study for my math test and I just got home an hour ago (8:00 PM), after taking said math test. I was doing math for approximately 10 hours minus a few breaks here and there. Ever since I started this class I feel like I am eating, living, breathing, dreaming, and suffering through math. I think I mentioned that I started the class a few weeks late (I don't even know what I mention on here anymore and I'm definitely too lazy to check :) so I have been playing catch-up the entire semester. It has been tricky and frustrating, especially because the last time I did this kind of math I was 16 years old. That is not exactly helpful.
Other than math and my other class (psychology, which is a breeze), we have been keeping busy this summer. Mine and Andy's schedule are opposite and we hardly see each other so when we do it is a treat. It's nice though because this means we never fight. There's nothing to fight about. We are just happy to be together. It is really nice. Neither of us has any expectations of the other because we are both just keeping our heads afloat. We do what we can when we can.
This means that our house is a mess all the time. I use to be such a crazy, scheduled cleaner. I'm sure I will again someday. Right now I just try not to be embarrassed that there are piles of clean laundry in the laundry room, dirty dishes in the sink, and clutter all over the place. One of the great things about kids getting older is that they can help clean! They don't do the kind of job I would prefer but it's better than nothing and instead of being picky I tell them they are awesome for helping out. I figure I'm helping train them for their futures. And then at least my house doesn't look as bad as it could. My kids will definitely be getting an awesome vacation or something cool when all of our schooling is over. They are troopers and have been so understanding and helpful. I just love them so much.
Sometimes I wonder why I still write on my blog. I feel like every post is about how busy I am and the boring things I'm doing (ahem, school/work). But I feel like I should, so I do. I'm hoping one day I will look back at this and realized how much I learned from our situation.
That reminds me. There was a homecoming in church last Sunday. It was a cute girl who lives around the corner from me and she had just gotten home from Russia. I'm certain it was such a hard mission. Her talk was amazing. She said that she had decided to go on a mission because she felt like she wanted to do something so incredibly hard, something that would bring her down to her lowest of lows. She wanted this so that she would be completely humbled and be able to know what it felt like when she finally turned to her Savior and turned everything over to Him and let herself be completely carried by Him. She wanted to know how that felt, to be down in the darkest abyss and be able to see His light and love in her life and realize what He had done for her. However, something she learned while on her mission was that this is completely unnecessary. We aren't asked to go to that place in our lives. Part of the reason for the atonement is so we can avoid that very thing! It was an incredibley eye-opening experience for me. I had never even thought of it that way. I HAVE been down before (way waaaaay down) and never realized I didn't even have to be there. Just because life is hard and periods of our life seem like they will never end , they will! And Christ is always there, just waiting for us to turn to Him, especially before we hit that lowest-of-lows-place.
I am really grateful for the events that have brought Andy and me to the path we are on. I know I have changed so much, even in the last few years. One of the things I really lacked a few years ago was empathy. I would mentally remove myself from situations so I wouldn't have to feel for others because I didn't like feeling "down". I already felt down for myself on occasion and I hated that feeling. But one of my favorite scriptures (Mosiah 8:19) teaches that "... We mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort..." which can be such an incredible experience! Sometimes I feel like I had to go through the things I did (and still will) so that I can feel empathy, really feel for those around me and be more Christlike towards others. That is the ultimate goal in our life, right? To become like Him?
I never in a million trillion years thought I would say that I am grateful for the events from a few years ago that led us to where we are now. I had never been so depressed in my life when we first moved back to Utah just over two years ago. And now Andy and I have made so much progress toward what we really want for our family and it has been incredibly empowering. That's not to say we still don't have really hard times. We do. I have just tried to change my perspective.
I'm not sure how a post about my never-ending day of math turned into this but I guess I needed a little reminding. Funny how that happens when I just let myself write.
Be kind to someone today. Peace out.
