Saturday, August 18, 2018

It's Almost Been a Year Since I've Written on Here

Wow. Life's funny, huh? I used to love to come to this space and just write my worries and cares away. It was so therapeutic for me to write. I have sort of given that up over the last couple of years, sadly. But I need it today. I need a space to just write and let out everything that I've been carrying around for the last several weeks and months. Nobody comes here anymore, so I can just be free with my thoughts and feelings.

Life has been tricky for the last year and a half or so. That is about the time we moved into our new home. We felt so inspired to move into this house. It felt like ours the minute I walked in. However, I also feel like our life has been in constant, non-stop chaos as well, ever since then. Don't get me wrong. I usually thrive on chaos. I don't shy away from it, don't particularly mind it, usually. But when it feels like there is never a break, and no end in sight? That's when I crumble.

We started a reno on this house that I stupidly thought would take about 3 months to complete. My saint of a father did it for free (just cost of supplies) and I feel like I am indefinitely indebted to him. He truly is the best of the best. However, it took way more time and money than I ever thought it would and even now it is only half finished. My dad basically said he was done after completing the new bathroom, family room/rec area, and bedroom. And I do not blame him one iota. I completely understand. My dad is not as young as he used to be, and he has his own life and work to do. He spent so much time and energy on it, and I am so thankful to him.

But we still need our bedroom/bathroom/laundry room to be complete and it is going to cost lots of  time and money that I just don't have sitting around. It is a constant stressor to me that we have no storage and that I feel like my house is ugly because we STILL haven't even completely unpacked after 17 months of living here. I haven't decorated, I haven't hung anything on the walls, it just doesn't feel like "home", even still. I hate the yard, and the way the home looks on the outside. I had so many grand plans for this home, and I can completely picture it in my mind, but nothing ever changes.

And then I got pregnant. It was a shock, quite honestly. In fact, even now at 34 weeks along, it is completely crazy to me that we will have a newborn here in just under 6 weeks. I don't even know where we are going to put this baby. This home is tiny. We are bursting at the seams as it is. Andy's job takes him out of town almost every week. I work full time. We are barely keeping our heads above water with our other kids and everything going on. On top of that, this pregnancy has been just plain rough. I am exhausted, sick, tired, and everything in between. I have ignored everything for so long that I look around at the state of my home and disgust myself. And at the same time, I could not care less. It is a bizarre conundrum.

I have people that keep offering to give me used baby stuff and I want to scream that I have nowhere to put it. At the same time, I keep putting off buying anything baby related because I am in denial that I will actually have another human to care for. I know I love this baby, but I also know what a baby entails. I have been out of that stage for so long that I am slightly terrified of what is to come. I also am not going to be able to quit my job. I have never left a baby. I have always been a stay at home mom. And then on top of those feelings, I am just so overwhelmed with preparing for this baby and trying to get all the things I need that I just avoid it and still have nothing. Not eve a car seat!

To keep myself sane, I have used this avoidance tactic for the last several months. But every once in awhile, like today, everything completely overwhelms me to the point of parallelization. I only have 5.5 weeks left! We have no time! We have no stuff! We have 5 other kids and a house and jobs and a dog and callings and laundry and to-do lists and soccer games and drill practice and piano lessons and millions of other things that I just don't even know. Life is weird. It used to be so simple. And I had no idea and didn't even appreciate it. I want to go back in time and slap myself and say, "enjoy this easy life you live, you idiot! Don't complain about the small stuff. Be grateful. Be happy. Serve more, because there will come a day when thinking of serving anyone but your family is too overwhelming."

I don't even know what I'm rambling about anymore. But it's nice to get it off my chest. As I speak, this little one in my belly is kick-kick-kicking away and I know it will be so very loved. the kids are so excited and cannot wait to get their hands on it. And what more does a baby need most than love?

Absolutely nothing.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

December is Here!

Wow, December! So much has happened over the last few months. I have wanted to update my blog so many times and because I haven't been able to upload photos, I just give up. I finally decided that I can catch-up in writing and when (if ) I ever figure out how to add photos, I can go back and add them to each post. Ugh, such a pain. But I am determined to not give up on blogging. I love looking back through my blog and re-reading things I have written. I will find just the right thing that I need to read when I have shared something I am struggling with, and it will help me all these years later. I have been so thankful for that. 
I am in the process of finding a company to print out my blog into a book so I can keep it forever. My kids have been reading it recently and it's so fun for them to go back and read things from when they were little. Ic an't believe I have had this blog for going on TEN years! I love it. 

Christmas is in three weeks. My family and I are in the process of "Lighting the World" with the church wide initiative of helping somebody every day and remembering Christ. It has been so wonderful to talk about it each night with my kids and watch the videos that correspond with that day's service goal. I bore my testimony in church today of how much I love Christmas, but I love both sides-- the Christ side, as well as the commercial side. It's all fun and wonderful to me. But I know that it is so important to teach my children what Christmas is really about. It is about Christ and what He did and continues to do for us. It is about the miracles that took place and about Him and His ministry upon this earth. It is about a wee babe, born in a smelly barn, the humblest of birth places. I love my Savior and am so thankful for the testimony I have of Him and of Christmas. I am so thankful for good, kind, children who are so receptive to the gospel. I know it may not always be that way, but I will try my hardest always to make it so. 

I love this life I live. I love my family. I love my friends. I am so incredibly blessed and thankful for my life. 

Merry Christmas Season, everyone!

Thursday, August 31, 2017

The Day Before September

Technically it is still two days before September, but I don't care. I don't care much for September. It is really hot still, school starts back up, and there aren't any fun holidays to celebrate. It's not a month for me.

Also, my son was diagnosed with cancer in September, and my husband had a motorcycle accident in September, and I'm certain other rotten things have happened in September, and I just don't really like it, is all.

However, the last time I posted any photos was of September (last year?!), and we are leaving to go on a fun trip here in a few days in September, and it's also Childhood Cancer Awareness Month in September, so I suppose it can't be all bad.

But it also signifies change, which I don't love. The end of summer, the beginning of a new school year, and everything that comes along with it. Schedule changes, various things demanding my time, and I don't relish keeping up with it all.

Let's just say Andy is out of town yet again this week, I am stressed about a class I am taking, and I need to finish training for a marathon that I signed up for, which happens to take place in 37 days.

However! My family is happy, we are healthy, I have a lovely little home of my own, I have working cars, and good jobs to support our family, and I just shouldn't be complaining.

So I suppose I should get to running, shouldn't I?!

Monday, June 12, 2017

Oh, Hello!

Wow. It is MID-JUNE. Guys, I just can't anymore with this crazy time-passing-by thing. It's too much. It's too fast. I just want life to slow down for one minute and it continues to just ignore my wishes. Haha. But I really am just loving life so much right now, even with all the crazy. Here's a little update, and I promise, promise that someday I will catch up with pictures. I always do. :)

So, after my mega-meltdown in February, I got my butt in gear, and also had so many incredible people in my life help with all of the things we had going on, and I honestly cannot believe everything that was done in such a short time.

First things first, I did get the promotion at work (I am now a Genetic Counseling Assistant), including a pay raise. I was so excited, but a little nervous to switch hours and go from working 6:30-3 to now 9-5:30. Way less time to get stuff done. But I figured we would just adjust like we always do. However, the first day they wanted me to start just happened to be the day we were closing on our house. Just a little stressful. I also had to hire a couple ladies in my ward to pick-up Magnus after school since I wouldn't be able to pick him up anymore. Luckily I have always carpooled with a neighbor in the morning with my other kids, so that made life a little easier. Plus, as soon as we moved, the older kids would qualify to take the bus to jr. high (hooray for no more driving them!) and the elementary kids would be able to walk or ride their scooters since now we would be so much closer in our new house.

Well, everything went off without a hitch and we got moved (more on that later-- lots of stories surrounding that!) and can you believe that we have already had our first week of summer? School got out just over a week ago and before that we had the CRAZINESS that is May every year (soccer! dance recitals! tryouts! end of school year stuff! award assemblies! Soccer parties! birthdays! Kinder graduation! It never ends!), and before that I was finishing up the semester (more drama), and even before that Andy and I were able to have the most incredible 15th wedding anniversary trip. Oh man, it has been the craziest and BEST year and it isn't even quite half over! We have several more fun trips and camps planned for the kids (Cancer camp! Sports camps! Drill camp! Scout camp! Girls camp! Camping with friends!) , swimming lessons, EFY, Bear Lake, and at the end of summer right after school starts, Disneyland! I am so looking forward to this summer, even though I will be working full time. I just very recently got approved to switch back to my old schedule of 6:30-3, so that has been much better and I feel like I get a lot more done in the day. I have also been doing quite a bit of hair, so life just stays busy and fun. We get a few weeks off of soccer, but that starts back up the end of June and Laylah is in full swing of drill practices bright and early at 6 AM.

Oh! Lastly, our remodel! It is still going. We have been living in just the upstairs of our house for 2 1/2 months now and it is maybe half finished? I don't know, I am a terrible judge of these things. But it is slowly and steadily coming along and I am excited for it to be finished. I can't wait to have a huge master suite and a basement family room again.

So, lots going on, as usual. Just wanted to stop in and give a little update. Ta-ta for now!

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Howdy Hey-- A School Rant

Hi there folks! Wow, it's been a long time. I can never figure out how so much time has passed in between my posts. The last time I blogged it was February (TWO MONTHS AGO?!) and I was blogging about SEPTEMBER. Hahaha. Oh my, but I am behind. To be honest, I have not even thought about my blog since I last posted because LIFE. 

Yup, Life happened. In those past two months, I got a promotion, we bought a house, we moved, we started a renovation (which we are still int he middle of..... UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH, I just want it finished), Andy and I went on a 15th anniversary cruise, and of course, we have five busy kids, I'm in school, Andy is traveling for work every week.... and yeah. I think that's about it. Holy moly. I always think I am the busiest I will ever/could ever be, and then I somehow get busier. I don't really know how that works, but it does. I literally cannot ever fathom being done with school. I just can't. I feel like it will last forever. 

The other night I was doing a graduation audit to see what other classes I had left to take. I have about 35 credits left, give or take (give, of course, it's never take). I have taken 88 credits, but 35 more seems like SO MANY. And that is just for my bachelor's degree, along with my minor. Since I am only taking 9 credits a semester (approximately 3 classes), that is FOUR more semesters. Oh man. That is two years if I don't go in the summer. And I really don't want to go in the summer. I already work full time, so I want to spend any extra time with my kiddos. Ugh. I will say it again-- GO TO SCHOOL WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG, FOLKS! Don't be like me. Be smart. At this rate, it will have taken me seven years, and thirteen semesters to get my bachelors degree. That is just gross.And then I have 5 more semesters to get my Master's degree. THAT IS 18 SEMESTERS! Oh my heck. Why am I doing this again? Hahaha.

Any-who, that was a little rambling tangent, but that is just how I felt the other night. Like I will never, ever finish. I am a little discouraged. I suppose the time will pass either way, but sometimes I just wish I could not stress about school and just watch Netflix for crap's sake. 

So, yeah. Lots of life going on over here. I need to catch-up on my blog, especially before I forget the last 6 months! Soon, folks, soon. School is over in 2 weeks, and then I get four glorious months off!! Hallelujah. 

Plus, now that Andy is traveling all the time with his new job, I will have free time in the evening once I'm done with the semester. Yeah! Cannot wait.

But first, I have four more tests to take, a huge paper to write, and several smaller assignments. The end of the semester suuuuuucks. Wish me luck!

Sunday, February 26, 2017

September TidBits

 September was a bit of a weird month. Surprisingly, it wasn't as busy as I thought it would be. But it did bring some change. Since I've already blogged about the major things that happened in September, these are pretty much the leftover photos. 

I already talked about Andy's motorcycle accident. Not the greatest way to start out the month. And I told you about my fun, last hurrah before starting my new job, ie best girl's day out ever. 

These are just some cute photos I snagged of Magnus loving on Sadie.

 We had Sunday dinner at my mom's and my dad is the cutest Papa. Here he is, out on the tramp with some grandkids, playing.

 Labor Day was easy going and relaxing. EXCEPT for the fact that I had to get up early with Jonah and go put up flags for scouts. Normally I make Andy do stuff like this, but my feminism bit me in the butt this time. I told Andy he had to go do flags and he told me he did it last time, so it was my turn. I told him it was a boy job and he said to me, "You're the one always preaching that there are no boy jobs or girl jobs." Ouch. Alrighty then. I got up early and we put up 100 flags around the neighborhood with Jonah and another scout.

 At least he had a yummy breakfast waiting for me when I got home :)

We took the kids swimming for the last open pool day. It was not the warmest, but we still had fun. I had Rachel's' kids with me for some reason, but now I can't remember why...

My cutest baby E hung out with me. I want to eat him up, he is so cute!

After swimming we went to Andy's parents house with his family for a barbecue. It was a fun day. And driving down the flag filled street made me realize just how much I love America, once again. I love our nation, and I love our flag. 

This is something I have been meaning to document for months and just kept forgetting to take photos. Back in April the city ripped up the entire main road to replace a bunch of piping. We use this road to get everywhere. To the kids schools, to the freeways, to the stores.... anywhere. It takes much longer to go around, plus everyone was now taking the other way which equals way more traffic. It was AWFUL!! AND-- here in September, the project was still ongoing. There were several mistakes made and parts delayed and the whole thing was supposed to only take 6 months, but ended up taking about 8. It was hell. Pure hell. Every time I saw those stupid orange poles, road closed signs, ripped up gravel roads, holes in the ground, everything... it made me mad. Ugh. SO glad they finally finished in December. It was awful.

 On Tuesday, September 6th I started my new job. I also took on this mantra. For the first time in forever since having kids, I would be working full time and going to school. (that's not quite true-- I did work full time at the hospital, but full time there is 3 days a week for 36 hours. Not every day fro 8 hours, 5 days a week-- big difference)

Remember that hematoma that Andy got from his motorcycle accident? This was the aftermath during the healing. Huge, black bruising. It looked much darker in person.

Besides normal day to day school and work, we also had soccer practice, soccer games, dance, football practice, football games,  and the kids started piano lessons with a new teacher. This is Baron's first year. As always, lots of activities going on and with 5 kids, it's a little chaotic! Daphne also begged and begged to start orchestra. She wanted to play the cello so badly. I finally signed her up, only because it is in the early morning and she promised she would never complain about going. And she hasn't! Plus she has a ride there and I pick up when I drop off Laylah and Jonah to school. 

I have people ask me constantly why I let my kids do so many activities. Here's the thing-- I loved keeping busy and doing stuff when I was younger. I love being involved and trying new things. I loved exploring new talents. And my parents supported me, as crazy as it made them. I loved that support and want my kids to feel that way. It does get a little crazy and chaotic, but they also understand we can't make it to every single game or performance they have. And one of the biggest reasons I do it is exactly this-- to keep them busy. I want them to be busy and involved so they aren't doing other things like playing electronics, or sitting at home bored. Or worse, when they get older-- getting into trouble. They still have plenty of time to play with friends and do other things. And I am willing to sacrifice for my children. Anyway, just wanted to document that I do what I do out of love and understanding.

 Baron got pretty sick in September with a terrible respiratory infection that sounded like croup. He was coughing so bad one night that I took him early from football practice and into the instacare. The doctor there wondered if he has a touch of asthma. I have wondered that myself before, but after a breathing treatment and a prescription for some steroids, he was on the mend.

 The big BYU vs Utah football game came. Our friends are pretty divided, but it was funny to show up to a Relief Society activity with Marcie and I on opposite ends of the spectrum. Luckily the Utes pulled out a win, woohoo!

The relief society activity I am talking about was Super Saturday. I was in charge and we planned a breakfast, many crafts to choose form, and a service project (quilt tying) for those who didn't want to do crafts. It turned out great and I was relieved to have it over with, as usual. 

My friend Julie couldn't make it, so I did her crafts for her. It was fun. 

Laylah needed new point shoes for dance. She has grown so much from last year! She was just about an inch shorter than me at this point, and he feet are a size 10!

We made homemade chips and guacamole for an after church snack one day. It was so yummy. 

I wanted to go for a drive up in the canyon one fall day and nobody wanted to come except Magnus. We were gone for over an hour and drove up Big Cottonwood Canyon, over Guardsman Pass, and down through Park City. It was so beautiful and I couldn't stop taking pictures. I love our earth and where I live. I adore the mountains!

To keep this boy entertained we stopped and played in a creek for awhile.

 Magnus finished up his fall season of soccer. His team was undefeated thanks to his cousin Liam who would score about 10 goals a game, haha. Andy was actually the coach, and I helped out a few times. One time another coach got mad that they were losing so badly and I had to take him aside and explain that they were 5 years old, it was just a game, and he needed to calm down. It was ridiculous.
 Best Cousins!

Andy and Nate (Marcie's husband) are in the Elder's Quorum presidency and they had a brilliant idea to have a dad/kids campout. They did it in someone's backyard, which left all of us mom's to have a guilt free girl's night out! It was so much fun. We went shopping, went to dinner, and saw a movie. On the way home (at one AM), a car in front of us started driving sporadically, and then it pulled over. As we drove past, it started driving again and swerved right into us, almost hit us, and it tried to run us off the road. It was super bizarre and a little scary (didn't help that we had been talking about kids getting kidnapped in plain sight while we were driving) and Eliza sped up and the car followed. She started driving all crazy trying to get away, and finally we lost them. It was so weird. And then we all went home to our empty houses and were terrified! Haha. We kept texting each other, but I was finally able to go to sleep. I slept in and it was glorious.

Andy said the campout was super fun. They played games, ate foil dinners, roasted s'mores, and went to bed late. 
 Sleepy kids. No pictures of the girls, they slept in a tent with some other girls that were there.

 Just one of Baron's football games after half time, running through the banner.
 There;s my #90!

This is Daphne's first year in soccer that she has pretty much played goalie exclusively. She got the "brick wall" wall award several times this fall as she does such a great job playing keeper and defense.

 I took Laylah, Jonah, and Laylah's friend Ella to the Bountiful Temple. Another temple crossed off of Laylah's goal list!

 Andy and I were able to take Jonah and Daphne to a Real Salt lake game with their soccer club. They were able to be in the King's Parade and go on the field with the players. It is always a fun time and we love watching Real Salt Lake. They won and it was a great game.

With their teams, getting ready to go on the field.

Murray Max Soccer Club represent!

It was a beautiful night.
 Daphne's team got to be "bench warmers" while the team warmed up. They got up close and personal and got to give the players high fives.

 There they are on the big screen!

 Just some more photos another mom took of the team on the bench. So fun.

 That is Julie, one of my dear friends who also happens to be Daphne's coach. She got super sick and has been bed ridden ever since this photo. This was her last game coaching and the girls have missed her. She has ulcerative colitis and has been hospitalized multiple times, has tried tons of different meds, and has finally found one that is working. She is still super weak and needs help, but she is on the mend finally after 6 long months. She is the one we were going on the "birthday cruise" with all of our friends for her 40th birthday, but we had to cancel it since she was so sick. It is moved to next year, but Andy and I decided to still go and call it our 15th wedding anniversary celebration. Anyway, I am glad she is finally doing better.

 Baron's scout troop did a little play one afternoon for the parents. I didn't get it, but he had fun doing it! Haha.

Even though I am pretty strict about bed times and we don't go to bed past 9 around here, Laylah is still so tired all the time. I caught her napping quite often after school. Must be from all that growing she's doing :)

My Century Race!

Just a favorite FHE treat-- skillet cookie.

Since scouts started up again, we had the  annual Raingatter Regatta. Baron decorated his boat. We had dinner at the church and the boys had boat competitions. Baron seems to enjoy scouts a lot more than Jonah did at this age, and I am glad. He is doing well and has earned a lot of awards.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out what this photo is from, or where Mag is-- but he's a cutie, so I added it in. He made this graham cracker house, apparently.

And that was September. Fun and back to a schedule, and not too busy. Even though we had lots of changes, the kids adjusted great with me going back to work and Andy was able to manipulate his schedule to help pick up kids from school so that we were all happy and functioning great.