Monday, March 31, 2014

Sense of Humor Wanted

*This is just one of those posts for myself that I wanted to remember because I know someday it will be funny. And even though I might complain about my kids sometimes (especially M, the spoiled baby of the family), I really and truly love them more than just about anything. Tantrums and all.

 Yesterday was an interesting day. It was Sunday, so of course we had church. For once I didn't have any meetings and I didn't have to do the lesson for my class. I only had 4 kids to get ready for church, so you'd think I'd have my day made, right?


Andy came down with strep throat over the weekend. He has NEVER EVER had it in his life. Guys, he was wanting to die. And, I don't blame him. Last time I had strep throat I literally wanted to carve my own tonsils out of my throat. The medication takes about 3 days before it starts giving any relief. And I just think every sickness is way worse as an adult. It's awful.

Anyway, he was down for the count. All morning I was trying to keep the kids quiet because he was trying to rest. Now, the hierarchy between my kids is this: Laylah and Daphne are equal but they rule over Magnus. He always plays with them and they tell him what to do and he loves it. Between Jonah and Baron, Jonah is one step up. Bear is like his little puppy dog and follows him around and does what Jonah says. Now, with Jonah being gone (out of town with his friend, remember?) Bear is a lost puppy dog and isn't quite sure what to do. It was sad. He kept trying to play with the girls, but he was bothering them more than playing with them, so I was referee all morning and getting sick of it. 

I finally got them all ready for church and we were on our way (in the snow. Stupid, stupid spring snow.) We were going to be about 5 minutes late and since it was rain/snowing, I dropped the kids at the door and told them to hurry in and get us a seat while I found a parking spot. I ran inside and got to the chapel only to find that it was jam packed and my kids were in the overflow. I would have to walk across the hard wood in my very LOUD stilettos and the sacrament prayer was about to start. Right then I realized I had left the church bag in the car. I figured we'd be okay without it, after all I had pens and notebooks (and a few old boxes of raisins, haha) in my Young Women's bag. I tried to quietly sneak to my seat but my shoes gave me away and of course people turn to see what the noise is about. I finally sat down only to have Magnus start yelling that he NEEDS his FISHIES!! Where are his FISHIES?! Did I forget his FISHIES?? I tried to quietly explain that I had accidentally left them, but before I could even finish my sentence he was throwing a tantrum because heaven help him if he doesn't get his goldfish crackers. He'd woken at 5:30 that morning to go to the bathroom and never gone back to sleep and now here it was, 1 o'clock church and he hadn't had a nap and he was just ready to be done 5 minutes in.

I tried damage control, but he wasn't having any of it. All of the sudden he jumps up and starts racing to the back of the gym and I barely missed grabbing him as he ran past me (ugh!) I asked Daphne to go and get him, but of course, I forgot to say "and be quiet about it" which she figures gives her free reign to be as loud as she darn well pleases. She throws her hymn book on the floor, BAM! and races after the little devil, err, I mean, her brother to which immediate screams follow as he realizes he's being chased. She grabs him and tries to drag him back, because lest you remember he is a big boy and she is a small girl and she probably only weighs about 10 pounds more than he. More screaming follows so I take my shoes off and run/walk back there and tell Daphne to quietly go and sit down and then grab Magnus and yank him out of there so fast that hopefully he has whiplash.

I marched him over to the stage stairs and plopped him down and told him that he could sit there as long as necessary until he was ready to behave in church the proper way. He pouted and cried on those stairs for a good 10 minutes and then all of the sudden stopped and told me he needed to go to the bathroom and that he would be good now. I took him into the bathroom (which opened a whole new can of worms about it being the girl's bathroom and he wanted to go in the boy's bathroom because he is a BOY darn it!) and me explaining that daddy wasn't here and this would have to do. More tantrum, yada yada yada, finally we made it back to the chapel.

Once again, no toys or books or snacks for M. I offer him the old raisins, he eats a few and then hands the box back. "I don't want these," he says with a disgusted look on his face. "Can I have some toys?" I search and search through my bag only to find an empty flip-top tube from some mini M and M's and after asking Laylah to look in her scripture bag she came up with a baby-sock coin purse (used to keep her tithing in) and her Chinese umbrella that looks like a little Chinese lady (from my mom's trip to China). I figured he had a pretty good imagination so he could come up with something to do with these random objects, so in a fake-excited whisper I say, "Look at these fun toys!" only to have him take them from me and stare at them all for one long minute. After his assessment he looks up at me with a matter-of-fact look on his face and says, "These aren't toys! This is an empty M and M box! And this is a thock! (he has a lisp...) and this little lady is a 'brella! I don't want 'em!" He lies on the floor, finally defeated and I think that just maybe he will fall asleep (because the kid can literally sleep anywhere.) After about 5 minutes he sits up and glances at me and quietly grabs the M and M container and plays with it (it's an airplane! No, it's a soldier guy! No, it's a horse!) for the rest of Sacrament meeting. Amazing.

When it's time to go to primary I brace myself for the tantrum that will ensue (M and primary don't get along too well. He would much rather still be in nursery. And I was right... "I don't want to go to big primary! It's no fun!") I end up bribing him to go and as I watch him walk in, he plops himself back down on the floor in front of his class' row of chairs. At least I got him in there.

Throughout Sunday School and Young Women's my throat starts to ache and I start to feel a little queasy and achy and by the the time church is over I am just done. We head home where I warm up leftovers for dinner and then clock out for the rest of the evening. Maybe someday Sundays will be relaxing, but until that day.... I'm just trying to keep a sense of humor about the whole darn thing.

And yes, it looks like I have strep as well. Luckily I already have a prescription, so at least I got a jump on that!

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