Wednesday, June 25, 2014

I Miss My Life

 I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed lately. It's nothing new, I think it just comes in waves when I have more than the usual amount of "crazy" going on in my life. It's when a few weeks in a row include 2 soccer camps, dance camp, scout camp (for the kids), a lot of makeup homework (that I don't understand) in my math class because I started the class 3 weeks late, crazy/busy days at work; weeks where I have a math test, a psychology midterm, and a math project due within a few days of each other, and on top of that I have a work training meeting an hour away plus Youth Conference for my calling, not to mention all of the regular "stuff" going on in life and that, that my friends is when I start missing my "old" life (and how was that for a run on sentence?! It's okay, I'm not taking English this semester ;).

You know how your life kind of gets separated into "stages" if you will? And during some stages you remember being happier than other stages and more content with life and such? And during other stages you remember it being difficult, and struggling, and being overwhelmed with stress for most of the time? The problem with this is, while you are experiencing a "happy" stage and might have a little less stress in your life, at the time that stage might seem like it is a difficult stage.

Am I making sense at all?

My whole point is, don't take advantage of life. While I feel very overwhelmed, worried, and out of control right now... I know someday I will look upon this time with fondness. Because I was learning. Because I grew A LOT. Because I was stretching myself in ways I never knew I wanted to be stretched. Because I proved to myself that I can do hard things and that I accomplished goals. And because we as humans tend to just remember the good stuff. Life has a way of doing that to us. We remember the good stuff.

I was thinking the other day how much I missed the stage in my life when I had three tiny kids. When Daphne was born I had a 2 year old and a 1 year old. If I just glance back into those memories, all I remember is being happy and loving my life. But if I dive a little deeper into those memories, I remember feeling very overwhelmed a lot of the time. I remember calling my mom on more than one occasion and telling her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I remember having days of depression. Andy had a job where he was traveling all. the. time. He was rarely home and when he was it was for 2 days at the most before he was gone again. I was working part time from home and felt like I never had time to fulfill all of my responsibilities. We were house hunting as well at the time and taking three kids (who are basically babies in different stages) house hunting by yourself is not fun.

However (like I said before),

Looking back at those days in photos, all I feel is a sense of happiness and pride. All I really remember are the good times. And I even long for those times again. And some days I wish I could trade those days for these days. Sometimes I think to myself, Why wasn't I happier? Why didn't the Sarah from 8 years ago realize how good she had it? I miss those days and at the time all I wanted was to get away from those days.

So, back to my original point. Don't take advantage of what you have now. Enjoy the moments whether they be hard or easy, stressful or not (I mean, to a certain extent. I'm not saying to enjoy when your child is throwing a mega-tantrum at the grocery store and you have a cart full of groceries and your baby's diaper just exploded with bright yellow poop. Don't enjoy that moment. Just laugh about it later :). Because someday you will look back at this time in your life with happiness and joy and you may even miss it more than you can believe. Be happy despite trials and circumstances and stress. We only have one life here and above all else I would like to experience joy. Wouldn't you?

Love those three little babies. SO much.


Carolyn said...

Sometimes we can remember that it is ok to simplify. We don't have to do all the the things we think we do. Make time for your kids and the rest will work itself out.

Sarah said...

Thank you for your comment, Carolyn. I actually do have to do all of the things I am doing right now though. It is much easier to judge someone and the choices they make when we don't know them though, isn't it?

Lisa said...

Thanks for sharing this post. I have one semi similar floating in my brain that I should write out. I long for those days past as well. Definitely the days precancer, but that's obvious. I don't try to do it all, but seem to have a knack for taking on more than I can handle, even though it doesn't seem that way at the time. I'm not going to school, but can't ever stay on top of what there is going on now. I mean I only have 4 kids. I should be able to handle laundry, dishes, church and life. I think I read too many books growing up and had a very skewed version of what to expect. Yet, I don't know what I thought it would be like. I went to college, fell in love, married, graduated, had children, have a house. All the things I ever wanted. But along with that came hardships. You don't expect, or even think about those things. Someone should write a book about those things. A realistic Babysitters Club book. So this comment has turned into a post. Sorry Sarah! Love ya!

Jasmyn said...

I loved this post, Sarah! And you are completely right! I look back at pictures and wish I could go back, but I wouldn't trade today for those yesterdays. Love you! :)

Sarah said...

Lisa, you are SO right!! life just has a way of being crazy no matter what we are doing. i loved reading your comment, thanks for posting it :)

Sarah said...

Thanks Jasmyn! Love you too :)

Pepper Pehrson said...

Those pictures are soooo cute! I love your kids. I will miss summer just for the fact that our girls could hang out all day.-Pepper