Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Magnus and My Ramblings

I was watching this video tonight and was taken back to about 4 months ago when Magnus was in the midst of radiation and therapy treatments. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that my kid has cancer. It will never stop being weird to me. 

This guy from high school, Jared Wortley, made this video for us. He is pretty dang talented and I was so touched by his generosity. He volunteered to do it, and it was just so nice of him. I love it and at the same time, it is hard for me to watch. Every time. Because I don't think I have ever gotten through it without crying. And I have probably watched it 50 times.

I got home tonight around 8:45 PM. It has been a busy, full day. I was awakened in the night by 2 sick little girls. I got up in the morning to get the boys off to school and then I went to my physiology class. I ran home to take Magnus to an evaluation for a special needs preschool. Then I headed to work at the salon. I had back-to-back clients and maybe sat down for a total of 15 minutes during my whole 8 hour shift. I finally got home in time to take an online test for my stats class that was due by midnight. My mom was waiting for me with dinner that she had made. Andy had gone to work earlier and she helps us on Tuesdays (because she is pretty much the greatest and I love her so very much). It is always a crazy day. 

I complained to her that I am doing so many things and because I am so busy, I feel like I'm doing everything halfway and nothing gets my full attention and none of it gets done right because of that. It has really been driving me crazy lately. She said the simplest thing to me. "You're doing your best in everything you can, and that's all you can do."

I sure love her and her words of wisdom. I am trying my best in everything I do. It's true. But that doesn't always make it pretty. I just hope that my kids have faulty memories when they're older, and that I won't remember that I didn't have perfect grades after I become a nurse, and that I will never remember that my house was a constant mess with laundry piles everywhere, and... and... and...

I think we lose our memories as we get older so we only remember the good stuff. Because why would you want to remember anything else?

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