Miss You Already

I'm finally getting around to posting about my sister, Rachel's, visit. She came the beginning of February. It was her Christmas present from her husband. I was honored that she used me for her Christmas gift :) I know I say it all the time, but I just can't describe how much I love and adore my sister. We have always been very close, we have so much fun together, can tell each other anything, and can laugh at everything. We always have a good time, no matter what we're doing. This trip was no exception. It was very easy-going and relaxing. We did a lot of shopping (possibly our favorite thing to do together), hanging out, playing, eating yummy food and sight-seeing. She brought her baby Liam who is about 7 weeks older than Magnus. It was so fun to meet each other's babies. The kids loved having Rachel here, she is like their other mother and when she's here, I am completely ignored. It's Rachel this, and Rachel that. Everyone loves Rachel :)

Anyway, here are a few pictures of our fun week which, of course, went by way too fast. I was horrible at taking pictures that week, so it's a good thing Rach was good about it. These are all from her.Cousins :)

Babies (after this week, I caught a very small glimpse at what it would be like having twins.... all you twin mamas out there, I admire you VERY much-you're amazing :)

Naptime before church

We went up to DC one day. Here's me on my phone following the map to Union Station.... I don't think I could live without my iPhone here. It saved us more than once. Technology=awesome.

Here's Bear on his first metro ride. The older three kids had school and I had arranged for babysitters once school got out. We just had to bring the babies and Baron (who were all incredibly well-behaved, thank goodness)


Washinton Monument

We decided to get tickets to go up inside. It was incredible. We weren't going to wait, but decided to and I'm so glad we did. The views are amazing.

This is up in the monument, a picture of the White House

This is over at the WWII memorial. Some of it is being re-done, along with a bunch of other stuff at the national mall. It wasn't looking it's most beautiful, but it was still amazing and awe-inspiring. The reverance their is palpable. It was so funny to me that even though neither Rachel nor I live in Utah anymore, all we wanted to look for was the Utah monument :) It will always be "home" to me.



We had time to go to only 1 museum in the whole Smithsonian and had a hard time choosing. We decided on the National Museum of American History. It was amazing and we had so much fun. The picture above is how they used to do laundry in the "olden days" Haha. I cannot even imagine the process and you can see how Rachel felt about it :)

Dorothy's ruby slippers. Even though I love shoes, I think I could pass on adding this pair to my collection. Not really my style... ;)


Baron had finally had enough and let us know how he felt about walking through one more exhibit. A bunch of people around us thought he was hilarious and starting snapping pictures of Bear rolling around on the floor.

After the museum, we were famished. We walked 3 more miles just to get to this incredible hamburger joint-good thing we did, I'm sure the calories we burned were replenished twice over. It's called Good Stuff Eatery. I'd been their once before and had been dying to go back. They have the best burgurs, fries, and hand-spun shakes ever. I got a milky-way shake and Rachel got a toasted marshmellow. Seriously.... Best. Shakes. Ever. Whoever comes to visit me, I will take you here and you will never look at shakes the same. I'm not even exaggerating. DC was probably one of our favorite days of Rachel's visit.


The last day Rachel was here, we went to brunch with our babes at an incredible little bakery called Eileen's. We ate a few healthy things and then dug into the real reason we went there... dessert :) Yum.

We had such a great time. I am so glad Rach was able to come. Like I said, I adore her. She's the best. Miss you Rach! Muah!

xo

Learning Through Life

I don't really know where to start. It all happened last Wednesday. Andy sent me a text on his way home from work. He asked if I was in a good mood. I responded that I was. He asked me to stay that way and right then my heart dropped. I knew something wasn't right. I called him and told him that he was scaring me and asked him what was up. He told me that he had lost his job.

I can't really explain the overwhelming feeling of emotion that hit me. I wanted to throw-up, I wanted to cry, I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide, I wanted to wake up from this living nightmare... How? Why? What? All these questions in my head. But I stayed calm and let him explain. The company has been struggling for a few years now. Part of the reason they wanted Andy to come out here was because they needed better, and bigger jobs. They've been in business for over 50 years and this is one of the worst years they've been through so far. But, just like in Utah, there is nothing to be had. They have struggled to hold on, and they decided to just scrape by with the bare minimum of employees they'd need to keep the company running. That didn't include Andrew.

Rewind to a year and a half ago. I was sitting in the doctors office on a crisp September day with a sick Daphne. My phone rang and it was Andrew. I was going to let it go to voicemail, but I felt I should pick it up. I answered and he told me that the vice president of the company had requested to see him and they had a nice chat that morning. He had told Andrew about an opportunity out east. They wanted him to move to their DC office to head up east coast sales for the company. Before Andy went any further, I knew. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I had an overwhelming feeling come over me that this is what we were supposed to do. We were supposed to move to Virginia.

I fought it. Oh, how I fought it. I did not want to go. Did not want to move away from my family, my friends. I didn't want to make my children leave their school, their comfort zones, their support systems, and everything they knew. Why did I feel like we should do it? What was out there for us? Nothing I cared to know about.

As we struggled with this decision to make 100% sure that it was what we were supposed to do, we prayed and prayed. I found myself on my knees 3, 4, 5 times daily. I received a clear answer every time.

Move to Virginia.

We went to the temple, we talked it to death, we made excuses why we shouldn't, but every time that answer would come.

Move to Virginia.

And then one day when I had just had it, I was in the car to go pick-up the kids from school. I said a prayer out loud to my Heavenly Father. I said, "Father, I don't know why we are supposed to do this. But, if it is Thy will, I will do whatever You ask of me."

Immedietly after that, a song came into my mind.

It may not be on the mountain's height, or over the stormy sea

It may not be at the battle's front, my Lord will have need of me

But if by a still, small voice He calls, to paths that I do not know

I'll answer dear Lord with my hand in Thine, I'll go where you want me to go

I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord

O'er mountain or plain or sea

I'll say what you want me to say dear Lord

I'll be what you want me to be.

I immedietly dissolved into tears. We would do it then. We would move to Virginia.

Fast forward about 5 months. We had moved in and lived in our new rental home for about 2 weeks. A sister in the ward (who is a dear friend now) called and invited me to the stake birthday celebration for Relief Society. It was going to be a luncheon and also have a guest speaker.

I attended.

The speaker turned out to be our Stake Relief Society President's sister. She was incredible. She talked all about being able to feel our Savior's love for us, giving service and love to those in need of it, and other great, heart-warming, make-you-want-to-do-good things.

At the end she talked about being able to know Heavenly Father's will for you and how you can make the best of yourself by listening to Him and following promptings.

She talked about how she had lived in Arizona her whole married life. An opportunity came for her husband, but they would have to move to Colorado. She did NOT want to go. Not one bit. But she knew it was what they were supposed to do. So, they did. She told a story about how while she was unpacking (and crying) she felt the spirit overwhelm her and this song came into her head and penetrated her heart:

It may not be on the mountain's height, or over the stormy sea

It may not be at the battle's front, my Lord will have need of me

But if by a still, small voice He calls, to paths that I do not know

I'll answer dear Lord with my hand in Thine, I'll go where you want me to go

I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord

O'er mountain or plain or sea

I'll say what you want me to say dear Lord

I'll be what you want me to be

I could not keep the tears from coursing down my cheeks. Here, right in front of my face, was an answer to prayer. My prayer of question- Had we done the right thing? Would we be happy here? Were we really supposed to do this? Was this leap of faith, moving our lives across the country with no support waiting for us, worth it?

Yes.

Yes, it was. Because our Heavenly Father wanted us to do it, and that is all the answer we should need. So, I was happy. And I grew to love my new life here. Hard as it was sometimes, I knew it was right and where the Lord would have us be. I still didn't know why, as we were not without our trials. But I learned not to question why.

That brings us to last week. Why was this happening to us? I know I may seem a little dramatic, but honestly, I felt like my world was ending. What were we going to do? We have 5 children. We have bills, groceries to buy, debt, a mortgage, and on top of that, a rent payment. And now we had no income, not to mention, no health insurance-which, if you recall, I need to have. The only thing that kept coming into my head was "At least we are all healthy. At least none of us has cancer. At least we all have each other."

And we do. That's all that really matters.

I called my mom and bawled to her. I didn't want to put Andy through that guilt. The guilt he shouldn't feel, but I knew he would. I knew it wasn't his fault, it was no one's fault. She helped me remember that we felt right about this decision. It was meant to be and we had been supported, if not cheered on, about our decision. She helped me realize that we may never know the reason why we were required to make this move. However, she also helped me realize that it may have just been the vessel to get us here, and we were meant to do other things.. My mom's a pretty smart, amazing, and wonderful lady. I could very well be lost at times without her wisdom.

The one thing I appreciate and have really come to love about trials in this life is my Heavenly Father's love for me. During hardships, I feel Him constantly with me. I am calmer, and more receptive to enlightenment. I feel Him near at all times. It is truly a blessing. He does not leave us comfortless, nor will He ever. He loves me. And I Him.

After I bore my testimony last Sunday about this very thing, one of my good friends, Jean, came and invited my family to dinner. While we were there, I told her what had happened the last week and she gave me great encouragement. She told me we had family and friends who love and support us. We have the church. And we had each other.

She asked me to think of the worst thing that could happen from this situation. I stuttered for a minute and then became silent. I couldn't think of anything. Our families would not let us go homeless, or without food. They would help us if need be. I had nothing to fear. She assured me that something bigger and better was waiting for us. It would all work out.

God wants us to be our best. He puts us through trials that are specifically designed for us. He knows we can get through them. He puts us through that Refiner's Fire so we come out better than ever we were before. He helps us become humble so we so we are more compassionate. He helps us through certain things so we can become charitable. We are truly doing His work. We are His hands. And we need to be the way He would have us be.

I have mentioned that I am troubled with a pessimistic attitude. I do it so as not to have my hopes dashed. I have always been like that to protect myself from disappointment. I told Andy as we spoke of what to do one night last week, that I would remain neutral and whatever happened would happen. He immedietly admonished me with love. I was not to be a fence-sitter, but choose a side. I could choose to be positive and allow this experience to better myself and learn from it, or I could be negative and have a horrible attitude about the whole thing and blame everyone for all of my problems.

I choose to be positive. I choose not to ask "Why me?" but to ask instead "What can I learn from this?"

It will all work out. I know my Heavenly Father loves me.

And we'll be okay.

Birthday Fabulousness

My birthday was great. I adore birthdays and think they are just so much fun. A day for YOU to do WHATEVER you want and to not have to do ANYTHING if you don't. Athough I have been 28 for over 3 weeks now, that's still the only thing I don't enjoy about birthdays. Getting ooooooolderrrrrr. I'm one of those people who will freak out at their 30th birthday.

Andy thinks I'm ridiculous.

I don't care.

Anyway, we spent the day relaxing, eating yummy food, attending a baptism of some of our good friends' daughter, who happens to be Laylah's good friend and who also shares a birthday with me!

That afternoon I got to take a NAP! I didn't have to change any diapers that day, and later, I was showered with fun gifts. Mostly things I had really been wanting and needing and asking for for awhile.

That evening Rachel (who was visiting JUST for my birthday :) stayed home with the kids while Andy and I ate sushi, went shopping, and got to see a movie. Loved it. It was a great day.

The next day we had cake and ice cream. During our date I mentioned that I didn't get any birthday cake on my birthday. Andy exclaimed, "Oh no! I forgot about your birthday cake!" He had hidden it in our fridge in the garage. So we ate it for lunch after church the next day. Good stuff.

What? You don't use a blow-torch to light your birthday candles when you're out of matches??

Here's a really awesome picture of me being a big 28-year-old nerd

Birthday Gift-A-Roos

Hot cocoa maker. Here's the thing-I am addicted to hot chocolate. It's a problem. I have been wanting one of these for a long time. It is A-mazing. I drink hot chocolate no less than 3 times a week now. And the kids ask for it every morning for breakfast because, darn it, it's just so easy and amazing. Did I mention delicious?

I L-O-V-E this game. I need it too, because of all that hot chocolate I'm drinking, remember? It is such a fun game. All the kids love it too. Except, it has a few questionable songs... pretty sure I don't want my kids asking me why a girl is singing about brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack... at least it's an awesome, not to mention fun, workout :)

I have been needing a new waffle maker for months. The one Andy and I received for our wedding died about 6 months ago. I love waffles. Our old one was a Belgian waffle maker. It made huge, thick waffles. Growing up we always had a thin waffle maker. I missed the small, thin waffles. So, Andy got me one like that. I love it, it makes way yummy waffles. Except now I kinda miss the Belgian waffles... ha. Whoulda thunk? I guess I need 2 different waffle makers to suit my moods :)

This is not such a great picture. But my amazing sister knows me oh-so-well and got me this darling purse for my birthday. I am seriously in love with it. I'm all about fluff.... so this purse and I get along famously. Plus, it can double as a diaper bag since it's so huge. Love at first sight...

I also got a lot of cash from parents, grandparents, friends, and family. Who doesn't love that? I actually wasn't as selfish as I usually am and I used a lot of it buying new bedspreads for my kids. I finally found some for both the boys and girls that I loved and it pulls their whole rooms together. It makes me happy to see a room come together. So... maybe it was kind of selfish and all about me after all.

Oh well, it was MY birthday.... right? ;)

I love my birthday. It was fun.

And the Award Goes To....

Daphne had a pajamma day at school. She asked me every day for 3 weeks if it was pajamma day yet. It finally came, she got to wear her pj's, her bathrobe, her slippers, and bring her pillow, sleeping bag, and a teddy bear. They watched movies and had "breakfast" for their snack:french toast, orange juice, and muffins.Don't worry, she directed me in taking these pictures..... one with her "Best Red Riding Hood Pajammas" award...

One with her bathrobe and slippers....

And then one withOUT her bathrobe and slippers....

And I think the thing she was most excited about was that she didn't have to get dressed in the morning when she woke up. She thought that was pretty awesome :)

Talkin' Away

I know, I know. You're all thinking "Wow, Sarah has the cutest baby!" Haha, just kidding. But I think he's pretty cute :) It's funny how a mother can sit and watch her baby for hours, but anyone else would be bored to tears. Well, except maybe a grandma. And that's who this is for. My mom and I were on the phone a few days ago and she heard Magnus talking away and mentioned how much she missed him. So, I recorded his "conversation" with himself (he talks to himself in the mirror above his swing) and posted it for her. Enjoy mama!

P.S. M is getting huge. He has his 4 month appointment next week.... update to come! I know, you just cannot wait! ;)

Hearts Hearts Everywhere!

We have had quite the week. Sick, sick, and more sick. Strep throat, ear infections, allergy problems, sinus infections, fevers, and regular old colds, all added to the continual breathing treatments for the babe for that nasty RSV. That's why it's taken me so long to post about our lovely Valentine's Day. And it was quite lovely...



It was such a fun holiday. Andy and I like to celebrate together beforehand and then we make it a family affair the day of. Well, the day we had planned to go out (Saturday) I wasn't feeling real great, so we skipped it. We're going to go out this weekend instead. Even though I adore holidays and I really love Valentine's Day, for me, the day is all about showing my love for my family and spoiling them with mushy stuff. I feel like you shouldn't single out a day where you show your signifigant other just how much you love them. You should do that all the time! Just maybe a little extra on Valentine's!


We started out the day with pink oatmeal (ever since my last pregnancy, I've become addicted! Crazy, eh? Oh, and frozen blueberries mixed into regular oatmeal=pinkish purple :) and the kids had all of their Valentine's ready to go to deliver at their class parties. I had made Laylah and Jonah special "love lunches" to take to school and Baron and Daphne also got one at home.




After school, the kids all went through their Valentine's and told me all about their fun parties. Bear had a playgroup Valentine's party the Wednesday before, so all of his candy he had received was gone, of course. The 3 older kiddos were sweet to divide up a bit of their stash and share with him. Everyone was in the lovey spirit :)

It was such a gorgeous day outside and we all played and rode bikes for a few hours until I realized it was getting late and I hadn't really planned for dinner. Thank goodness for Papa John's Heart Shaped Pizza. Delish. Not to mention cute.

All of my sweet as sugar Valentine's! One of them isn't too happy (probably getting the full effect of all the candy I had been eating that day....)

Valentine's wouldn't be complete without a visit from Cupid! He left us some heart shaped donuts and a funny little Sugar Monster
This little monster sings the song Candy Girl by the Archies. The children L-O-V-E-D it! It was so much fun to watch them dance around for the next 1/2 hour, smiling and giggling. Hilarious.

Here's my Valentine's gift to Andy:

This took forever because I took the photos of myself and I felt like a nerd. I kept deleting them and having to start over. Finally, after about an hour, I gave up and used what I had. I saw this idea somewhere about a month ago. Andy always gets mad when I spend money on him (I do it anyway :) but he really loves it when I do something homemade or really thoughtful instead. And he loves pictures. So I did this. I know, it is totally cheesy, but of course, he loved it. I told him it was for the office to put on his desk so he can look at me all day long and remember how much I adore and love him ;) He said he would, but he wanted a different frame, because the one I gave him was too girly. Haha. Too bad, it's already at the office on his desk :)



I received a delivery in the mail. Traditional flowers. Fresh flowers are one of my favorite things. Andy and I both agree that they are kind of a waste of money even though I love them. It was a treat since Andy only gets me flowers every couple of years or so. They are still sitting on my table and smell glorious. Every once in awhile throughout the day I go and bury my nose in them. Mmmmm.

The next day I got another delivery! A little surprise of chocolate covered strawberries. I love when Andy draws out holidays longer than normal. He knows I love surprises. These strawberries were huge and delicious. I ate half of them before I realized I wanted a picture. Oh, and I didn't share :)


Sweet Valentine's Day! Hope yours was just as great, if not more so...

Only a Year Ago

Do you remember what I was doing this past week one year ago? If you forgot, THIS is what it was.



Can you believe it's been a year? I sure can't. It has flown by and we absolutely love it here. I know that the longer we're here, the more I'll love it. There is so much to do and it is just different. I used to hate different and anything with change. I have started to embrace it. I've changed a lot. I have truly adored VA. One of my friends, Melanie, posted some exact thoughts I had about moving out of the state of Utah (I would link to her blog, but it is private. So, I'll give you the gist of it, since I felt the same way). It is so different and so refreshing. I feel like I have grown immensly over the past year and become so much more independant. I feel like I have matured and grown up. Don't get me wrong, I still love Utah (especially the people there), but living in the mission field has given me such a different perspective. Probably half of our ward are converts and they are each so unique and individual. I love hearing their conversion stories. I have become much more tolerant, less judgmental, and a much better missionary because of it. I didn't think it would have been possible, but I have become more outgoing. I have come to love Visiting Teaching, wheras before, I only tolerated it. I really enjoy learning from people with such different life experiences than myself. Utah is so sheltered, and there is nothing wrong with that, by any means. But sometimes I feel that people live in their own little world there and kind of compare themselves to all the other mormons and try to be better than others instead of helping others become the best they can be. It all just seems kind of.... fake... sometimes and maybe insincere. I am so grateful for the opportunities I've had and for how much I've grown. I am grateful to have the experiences that I've had. They've made me a better and a more accepting person. I have a testimony of the gospel. I love it, it is so precious to me.

On My Mind

I have several posts I want to catch up on (after all, I did just have a birthday, my sister was here, and we had some fun adventures :) but I'm not up to it today. Instead, you get to have a peek into what's been on my mind lately... besides, I notice that after I write something down, it stops rattling around up there ;)

-My hair is falling out like crazy. I wake up and there are gobs of it on my pillowcase. When I wash it, I can pull chunks out as I run my fingers through it. It is always ALL over my clothes (and IN my clothes.) If it is in a ponty-tail one day, I will take the rubberband out at night and about 50 strands come with it. I hope this post-pregnancy phenomenom quits soon or I will be bald.

-Baron has the cutest little voice. I absolutely love to hear him speak. Every time he does, I want to whip out my video camera and have it forever captured so I can always go back and watch it at my leisure. He mispronounces the funniest words and I just LOVE it. He is so very cute.

-I got a new calling. I am SO relieved. I used to be the activities coordinator for Relief Society and now I am a primary teacher. Although I have never been a primary teacher before, I am really looking forward to it. The only thing I enjoyed about my calling in Relief Society was my friend Mandy, who I worked with. I will miss getting together with her and laughing about..... stuff. I know it's a bad attitude to have, but I am so glad that I am no longer in charge of an activity every stinkin' month. Bleh.

-I am so tired all the time. I honestly don't know how I still function. I stay up way too late every night, still get woken up once a night to nurse (around 4 AM) and then get up every morning before 7. I never nap. I remember my mom telling me that once I had kids, I would be tired the rest of my life. I really wasn't until this last baby was born. I was blessed with excellent sleepers who rarely (if ever) get up in the night, and they all sleep in their own beds. But with the general "busy-ness" of life, 5 little kids, and all the things we have going on, I just feel.... tired :) I'm sure I'll feel this way the next several months. This too shall pass, right?

-Along with that last one, Magnus is sick. He has RSV and needs breathing treatments every 4-6 hours. If I could give anyone some advice.... don't ever have a winter baby. My 2 winter babies both had RSV, ear infections, runny noses, and colds within their first few weeks of life. Just plan to have all your babies in the spring or summer. It's for the best. Trust me on this :)

-I love my husband. He is so great. We are having a contest to see who can get to their goal weight in a set amount of time. He makes everything fun. Whoever wins gets a shopping spree. You better believe I'm gonna win.

-Along with that last one.... I signed up for my first triathlon. It is April 2nd.... I am so excited! And nervous. And happy. And sick of swimming :) I have to plan my swim days around the days I wash my hair. It's annoying.

-I adore having a new baby. I absolutely love it. He is so sweet. I cannot get enough of him smiling at me. I will take 50 pictures of him in a 5 minute time frame. When I hear him laugh, I can't keep a smile off of my face.

-Laylah is turning 8 in three short months. I can hardly believe it. She is growing up so much and is such a responsible, lovely young lady. She is the greatest helper. How is my baby girl old enough to be baptized? I don't get it.... where does time go?

-Along with that last one.... we are planning our summer trip to Utah. We're coming in July and I can hardly wait! I am so excited to be home. Laylah will be baptized there, we are going to Bear Lake with my family, Andy and I will be going to my 10 year highschool reunion, I'll get to meet 4 new babies that will be born this spring to family and friends, and we will also celebrate Jonah's birthday while we're there. What a fun trip. So excited.

-Jonah and I have been getting along much better lately. I tend to clash with 5-6 year olds and we had not been getting along so well. I went through it with Laylah and now with Jonah. I've even noticed it starting with Daphne. They just really annoy me. But, it's gotten so much better. It makes me happy.

-I am so glad I went to hair school. It is such a great, creative outlet for me. I adore doing hair and creating "masterpieces" and having someone feel better about the way they look. The extra money is just a bonus :)

-Daphne is a crack-up. She is so hilarious and everyone is constantly telling me how great/funny/smart she is. Don't worry, I don't tell her this. We don't need her cocky little attitude to get any cockier ;)

-I truly love my family and I am so grateful, every day, for my many many blessings. It makes me happy to think about how much my Heavenly Father must love me. Even on bad or hard days, which seem like a more common occurance lately because I don't always have the best attitude (still working on that pessimistic side of myself), I still know He is always there for me. Always.

-I really love to cook and bake these days. Love it. I love finding new recipes and creating delicious meals. It's fun. On that note.... my kitchen timer just dinged. We're having bakes sausage, spinach, and mushroom omelet along with english muffins, orange juice, and fruit for dinner. Yummy yum.


What's on your mind lately?

Away For a Spell

I know I have been away from my blog.... my sister's been visiting for the past week. This photo was taken the last day she was here when we went to brunch with our babes. We had oh-so-much fun! Non-stop, exhausting, what-did-we-do all day and where-did-the-time-go F-U-N. And you know what that means..... my house is a wreck. It was pretty much neglected the entire time she was here and it needs to be scrubbed top to bottom. I also have lots of laundry to do (of course :) but not as much as I nearly would have had because my lovely sister did all of my kids' laundry for me very sneakily throughout the last few days. Oh, how I love my sister. She is marvelous and I miss her already. As well as my sweet as pie nephew, Liam, whom I met for the very first time when she came. He and Magnus are a mere 7 weeks apart and they loved staring at one another and smiling at each other daily.

Anywho, I'll be busy re-cooping for the next few days, and also, I'm sure, talking to Rachel on the phone :)

I {Heart} Diclofenac

I have a love/hate relationship with my body. It is an incredible thing, an amazing gift from my Heavenly Father. But sometimes I feel angry towards it, like it isn't doing it's job for me.

I love that I can give through it, bring forth human life from it, as well as sustain that life. It is an incredible miracle. I love being a woman, feeling feminine because of it, and getting to dress it in fashionable, fun, and modest clothing and accessories and SHOES :) I love working it, straining it to the max, feeling how much my body can actually do. I love being able to taste with it, to prepare and eat delectable food because of it. I enjoy seeing with it, all of the beautiful creations around me. I love being able to try new things with it and learn to love those new things because of different experiences. I love doing the familiar things with it that it has come accustomed and used to. Like rocking a baby. Giving a hug. Wiping away a tear. Riding a bike. Snuggling up in a warm bed next to my Honey. Smiling. All of the things that bring me comfort and joy. A body is really an intense, amazing, wonderful thing. I love my body.

But then again, I feel as if it has failed me. It has disease inside it. It has slowly but surely turned against me. It has attacked itself from the inside and affected my day to day living and way of life. I hurt. All the time. I ache. I cannot get out of bed in the morning without assistance. I can hardly lift my baby from his crib without crying out in pain or having a silent tear run down my cheek. I cannot lie down comfortably for longer than 10 minutes. I was blessed with a wonderful sleeping baby who goes 10 hours at night, and yet, I cannot enjoy it. I don't sleep comfortably, or restfully. It hurts to do things that I used to do with ease. Things you would never even think twice about doing, and yet, now I do. Like lifting a child. Carrying a basket of laundry up the stairs. Taking a big, deep breath. Stretching. Reaching up for that item on the top shelf of the pantry. Simple things.

That is where I am right now. I just fed me baby. It is 5 AM and I cannot go back to sleep because the pain is so great that I don't even want to think about trying to lie back down in my bed. I feel like a stiff 2 X 4, unable to bend. I know that I do not have it bad as some, by far. I am able to function and still live life. But sometimes, I do feel sorry for myself. I really try not to, I know everyone has their lots in life. The reason I feel this way now is because there is something that can help. Diclofenac. Oh how I love that little, white pill. It takes away the majority of my pain on a day to day basis. It is a blessing.

However, before I had Magnus, my doctor told me that, although I could take the medication while I was nursing my baby, it would cause him pain. Colic, a sore tummy, and horrible gas. He told me I would have to think twice about nursing him and decide what I wanted to do.

I had greatly researched and read many articles about Ankylosing Spondolitis and pregnancy. The breakdown was this: 1/3 of woman had no change in their symptoms of the disease. 1/3 of woman's symptoms decreased. 1/3 of woman's symptom's became worse during pregnancy. Originally, I thought I fell into the category of symptoms becoming worse. Now I know that my symptoms really didn't change very much. Because after the article told about that, it said that after the birth of their child, 90% of woman with AS had a relapse (or "flare-up") within the first 6 months and their symptoms came back worse than ever before. That is just the nature of the disease, as it is with many auto-immune disorders. It comes and goes and comes and goes. Sometimes you can hardly remember you have it, other times, it's all you can think about because of the obvious and debilitating pain.

So, what I did was hold off as long as possible. I only took my medication if I absolutely HAD to, in the beginning. I thought I was doing great. My body felt so wonderful just from giving birth that I needed no pain medication. The euphoria from having a new baby and not having that additional weight on my joints was wonderful. Until about 2 weeks ago when all my my symptoms returned, tenfold. I woke up to the hungry cries of my baby in intense and agonizing pain one morning and woke Andy because I literally couldn't move. I hurt and ached all over my body. He had to help me up and I felt like a hunched over 90 year old grandmother as I hobbled to the baby's room where I tried to lift Magnus out of his crib. I was able to kind of swing him up into my arms. I could hardly breath without having pain course through my body. I couldn't sit to nurse. The only way to ease the pain is to walk around and allow my joints to become "un-stiff" from my inactivity during the night.

So then I had a dilemma. I started taking my medication on a daily basis after that. I immedietly noticed my generally happy, sweet baby turn on me. He became fussy nearly all day long. He cried and cried, even when being held. His poor little body would go stiff in my arms every so often and he would cry out in pain. After several days of this, I stopped taking my medication again. After a couple days of medication-less milk, he returned to his good-natured self. I would much rather have myself be in pain than my baby, of course. And then there is the decision that maybe I should just stop nursing. I have nursed all of my babies and I have never had any extreme enjoyment from it. I know it is the best possible thing for my child, and it's not like I hated the experience and so I endured through it for at least 6 months with each one of them, sometimes even longer. I actually started to enjoy it more with each child. But it is different this time, as I suspect I had known it would be all along. This is my last baby. This is the last time I will get to experience any of this "baby-type" stuff. I want to enjoy it and savor it and make it last as long as possible. I do not want to give up nursing already. I would rather endure the pain. So I will.



I apologize for this long, rambling post. It is nice for me to be able to organize my thoughts into something that makes sense to me. And I'm not sleeping and have nothing better to do :) If you have any interest, click here for a little more info on Akylosing Spondolitis. The video at the end gives me hope that they (I don't know who "they" are.... doctors? Scientists? Sure) are working on early prevention and maybe even a cure. Wouldn't that be amazing? I think so :)

Tollipop

I love Etsy. I could spend hours upon hours browsing through the wonderful hand-made things that incredibly talented people create. One of my favorite shops is Tollipop.

You Can Share Mine

The amazing artist who draws these darling pictures is actually in my sister Rachel's ward in Las Vegas. I also adore her blog (which you can find on my side bar) as she is an incredibly talented, and entertaining, writer as well. The picture above is going to go in my girl's room.

Bundle of Joy

The one above will go in the nursury, of course!

Lucy

This one will go in my room. I obviously enjoy her work. I have a list of prints that I will someday add to my collection. Go check her out-you will love her!

Caterpillar + Decorating = Nursury

Magnus lives in the coldest room in our house. It is really weird actually, in the summer it is the hottest room and in the winter, it is the coldest. I swaddle him up nice and tight for naps and bedtime and then wrap a lovely, thick quilt around him and he immedietly drifts off to Dreamland.... he reminds me of a caterpillar wrapped in a cocoon. He also likes his face covered up. Silly boy. This is the same crib that we have used for all 5 kids. BUT this is the first time it has looked different. My wonderful grandmother bought it for me when I was pregnant with Laylah and I loved the natural wood finish that it had. It was very trendy at the time, but by the time Daphne came along..... not so much. Andy painted it a lovely pale cream color for me and he just finished putting it together last week. I love it! Poor baby had been sleeping in his pack n' play since birth and I could tell he was getting a little cramped in it.

I was so excited to start decorating the nursury. It's still a work in progress, but I'm slowly getting it done. Along with the rest of the house. I basically just have the bedrooms left to decorate now (hanging things, adding a few new things and extra touches here and there). Even though we are in a rental and I can't paint (hence the walls and the crib are the same color... didn't think about that part when the paint for the crib was being chosen :) I can still hang things and bring color INTO the room. I love the green, chocolate brown and white for a boys room.

This sign will actually hang above the crib, but I don't have the right stuff to do it yet, so I stuck it on the crib for now.... my friend Ira made it. I love it. She's now doing one for my girls' room. Some people get all the talent.... my talent is making friends with people who HAVE talent and can help me :)

After 3 years of searching, I have FINALLY found quilts for my girls' beds that I love and that match the colors of their decor. They are such darling, shabby chic, girly girl, ruffly pieces. I am so excited to get it all incorporated and put the finishing touches on their room. I am having a lot of fun. I love to decorate, it's fulfilling to me.

Next up, the big boy's room...

And if I ever get to it (which hasn't happened in, well, ever) I will finally get to decorate my OWN bedroom which has empty walls and is pretty much a blank canvas. Someday... right?

Voila!

What does this:

Plus this:

Equal?



Clean boots!


If there's one thing I know how to do after having 5 kids, it's how to get out a stain!
The only problem is, Daphne says they're too small now. I don't care though-she will WEAR those boots the rest of winter if it's the last thing she does... tee hee!

Sweet Boys

click on image to enlarge I love catching a moment like this.... it's not the best picture, but Jonah is SO good at making Magnus smile and laugh. I snuck over with my phone and took a quick pic. I am in love with these sweet boys.

*Sigh*

In retrospect, I wish I would have thought it was a bad idea to buy these white boots while I was in the store, and not after a day of rain and mud at the park... Good thing Daphne got to wear them 3 times, or else I might have been disappointed ;) Do you think I could still return them? The store might not notice.... I mean, they're not that dirty..... right?

An Ice Day...?

I have experienced a lot of new things from living out here in the east. For the first time yesterday, I experienced an ice day. I had heard about these occurences but hadn't yet had the opportunity of seeing it. It was crazy! School was closed because there was a thin sheet of ice over everything. It had been raining the day before and through the night. It was not very cold but it progressivly became colder until the rain froze and everything that was wet turned to ice. I had checked the school website early that morning (I got into the habit of doing that when there is a even the slightest chance of closure or delay because otherwise, we get all ready, and then I find out after my kids are already waiting at the bus stop :) while I was nursing Magnus, and school was to be closed. I looked outside and not seeing any snow, thought it was ridiculous. After I found out that it was because the Ice Capades were happening outside, I decided it was probably a good idea my kids weren't riding a big bus that could slide out of control at any moment. I still had to be to a doctor's appointment around 9:30, so Andrew had to come out to help me even open the car door because they were frozen shut. He scraped and scraped my windows while chunks of ice flew off everywhere. I also went to put some letters in the mailbox to go out and the mailbox was frozen shut! There were tiny raindrop sized icicles covering everything. It was beautiful.

I wish I would have had time to take a few more pictures, but I was in a rush, so I took what I could. Luckily by mid-morning it was all melted and wasn't as scary to drive around in. I'm getting used to all of the different and new experiences here, and I have to say, I am loving it. I really love the east coast and I love Virginia.