I have always had a difficult time with big changes. I am not the type to think "Okay, this is going to be an adventure! This will be something new and exciting!" I have always been a pessimist... I really am trying to work on that, and I really think I have gotten better, but I do have my days. I'm kept so busy by the kids that time really does go by quickly, which makes me happy because I get to go home for a 10 day visit in 25 days! (but who's counting? :)
On top of that, this pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop. We felt like we should try to get pregnant around this time, and I was very nervous to even try because I was scared I wouldn't be able to get pregnant with all the medication I've been on for all of my various health issues. So, when we felt like we should do it, I didn't hesitate for fear that I would never be able to again. And I am very happy to be pregnant and very excited about a new, sweet-smelling, cuddly, squishy being in our home, but at the same time I think "What am I going to do all alone with no mom, no family to help out, no best friends to come visit me?" And I have just been so sick. I am really quite a whiner, I guess.
And I just miss my normal. You know, the normal? Where everyone knows you, knows your personality, knows how you are, knows what they can do to help you out, knows just what to say to make you feel better about something, knows what they can laugh at, and so on. We have just loved our new ward and the friends we've made, the kids are having a great time with their new friends, and everyone has been so nice. We've been invited to dinner several times, and I really love the Relief Society ladies that have reached out to me and been so kind and welcoming. I guess it just takes time. To feel like you really belong again. And I know I will..... I just need to be patient.
I am grateful for my Heavenly Father's love for me. I am grateful that I know He's there. I am grateful to feel like we have done the right thing, I know it will just take some time. I'm just an impatient person and I want it to all be perfect right now. I guess I needed to be taught a lesson in humility. If so, it's workin' :)
P.S. I really miss my hair stylist. I am so nervous to go to anyone else and I have 3 inch roots. It's really ugly, but I'd rather wear a hat every day than have freaky hair that I hate. Maybe I'll be daring this week and find someone to do it. Baby steps... :)
P.P.S. I promise I am not depressed or anything. I'm actually quite happy.... just adjusting, like I said. I just re-read through this and it sounded... sad. I'm not sad.... just so you know :)
7 comments:
Yeah, I get it. Normal is a few months away still and it seems like you have to figure out a new normal. That's always my number-one complaint to Ben, mostly because I just miss who I was and trying to figure out how you fit in stinks sometimes. I hope you start feeling "normal" again soon! Of course changes come just when you start to get comfortable...I guess that's a good way to keep growing. Hang in there...but I do love hearing how things are going! Trenton was talking about Daphne the other day. I think it'll be fun to see you all!
I totally understand how you are feeling, and it is really ok to feel that way! I dont do that well with permanent change such as moving really far away from those you love. But I do know that its these experiences that draw you closer to the Lord and your own little family. As much as we dislike these experiences, I sure know we are going to keep being given them.. I am pretty impatient with things too, I love instant gratification! I am really excited to hear that you are preggers again, when are you due? We just might have close, if not identical due dates! YAY.. You are great Sarah, just hold on, things will start feeling more like home soon!
I miss my normal with my friend too! And to to mention my hair stylest! Your 3" roots have nothing on mine! HA HA HA, I guess we are kind vain, but who cares!
I miss you and I am on the count down as well! Utah here you come!
You are amazing! You have moved your 4 small children across the country to a whole new place. You are a modern day pioneer! I totally look up to you and the courage you have had over the past few months. I know what you mean about being sick and preg so hang in there and take what ever help comes your way.
Yeah, 25 days and you'll have "normal" and fun for a few days. Hang in there!
I hear ya...I missed my family so much I have NEVER been away from them and then all of a sudden I am in a different state not knowing a single person. It gets better, it gets lonely but it's better on our relationship to be away from family:o)
I miss ya and I am going to come visit you when you have your baby! I want to see that cute cudly being when it come!
I hear ya about trying to find a new stylist! I'm really missing your mad hair skills right about now!
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