Some Good News

The day finally came. After months of waiting, I finally had my appointment with my specialist- The Reumetologist. He was actually very nice and spent a lot of time with me going over explanations and answering any questions I had. I am very happy with the news. Although he confirmed my other doctors suspicions of my diagnosis (ankylosing spondolitis), he told me that it was progressing very slowly. The only problem I should really encounter is the pain. He gave me some medication for that, which I will probably have to take the rest of my life, but to not have the pain I was having, which at some points was excruciating, I don't really mind. And the side affects of the meds are so small- the most commen being ulcers- which can be fixed easily. His prognosis over the next 30 years was, that if I excercise regularly and stretch regulary, I should have no effects except maybe a little stiffness and a small amount of pain now and again. I will have to see him a few times a year just so he can make sure that the disease is not all of the sudden progressing or anything like that. His biggest concern was my iritis, which can be controlled with my steriod drops, and I will also continue seeing my eye doctor on a regular basis.
Overall, I feel very blessed. At first, I was a little overwhelmed by it all, but now that I have some answers, I can't believe how much peace of mind I have. I feel like this is a challenge I can deal with, that I can handle. I feel overly blessed that it's not something else, something worse. Even if the disease was progressing rapidly, I would still feel blessed. I know Heavenly Father and He knows me. He knows the things we can handle and what we can't. I was talking to a friend about this the other night, and it is so amazing to me the challenges that everyone faces, yet somehow, we make it through. Something that might seem so hard to one person doesn't seem so hard for someone else to go through- and they can handle it and it makes them a stronger person. It is truly amazing to me to see people grow and becomed strengthened by their challenges.
One of the tender mercies I feel has been granted to me is my blessing of my children. I love being a mother more than anything. Yes, it is hard, and yes, it is a struggle at times, but nothing has ever made me more happy or been more rewarding. Let me explain...
When Andy and I were first married, I didn't want any children for a long time. I just wasn't the "mom" type. I didn't even like kids! But a few months after our marriage, we both felt promptings that we should start a family. So we went to the temple, prayed about it, and we did what we thought was right. Believe me, being so young, we got a lot of critisism. Soon after Laylah was born, we got the feeling again... so we had Jonah. And not too soon after that, we felt impressed to have another baby. By now I'm sure a lot of people thought we were crazy. We received a lot of snide comments about using birth control, about being able to control ourselves, etc... you get the idea. We didn't care. It was very hard at times, but I loved my children so much, I just ignored the comments. After Daphne however, I was ready for a break. So imagine my surprise (and it was a huge SURPRISE!!) when I found myself pregnant again. I was frustrated. I felt like I had done my duty, had my kids, and I wanted a break! I knew we wanted more kids, but not for a long while, and this little surprise had messed up my plans. It didn't take too long though before I was excited, (because I just LOVE babies) so then Baron came along. It was about a month after he was born that all of my pain started, and this whole roller coaster ride began for me. After talking to the reumotologist about it, he said it would be fine to have more kids (because of course I want more! :), but that I would not be able to be on my meds while I was pregnant. I will just have to endure the pain, and it will probably be that much worse when I am pregnant because of all the added weight and pressure on my spine. I know I will be miserable during my next pregnancy, but I'm okay with that. I didn't have to go through that with four of my pregnancies because I was prompted to have my kids when I did- and Heavenly Father was kind enough to send Baron when he did so it would be one less pregnancy I would have to have the pain with. And who knows if I would have even had all of them if I would have to be in constant pain throughout an entire pregnancy? I cannot imagine living without one of my children. I feel so blessed that I am even able to bear children, because I have friends that cannot, and I can't imagine the pain and suffering they go through because of that. So, I think I can handle a little pain for 9 months to add another member to our family that belongs with us :) I am so grateful for tender mercies and for the things I am blessed with. So much.